Saturday update

Today I partnered with a hormonal and seemingly angry thirteen year old who has done BJJ about 9 months. We later sparred and of course, the more experienced hormonal chick whooped my ass.

It’s nice. It felt good. There is so much to learn. My trainers even gave me homework so I could practice at home. After class, I stayed for another hour, drilling with some of the guys and then we sparred. I fell a good deal on the floor and even have it on video. It’s hilarious, the guys were scared if I would be hurt but I wanted to continue and asked him to give it to me. At the end, I managed to take him down, albeit not the technically correct way. At least we had a good laugh and he was in submission. Too bad that part was not caught in video. I will keep these videos to see how I progress.

I am so glad that I am doing this. Surrounding myself with a group of people that give out positive energy. They don’t know my stories but well who cares? They have been supportive with my training and it feels good. Later we learned how to fold our gi the proper way just for shits and giggles.

I spoke to my professor, who is about my age. He said it took him 11 years to get to a black belt. I wonder if I will ever get there myself?

I came home, and swam a little. The sun was out, it was beautiful. I have a slight sunburn on my cheeks and I love it.

Had yesterday’s leftover while watching this Bollywood movie called Rostam. I find Akshay Khanna unbelievably manly – macho, admirable, nice ass. After all, he’s wearing a navy uniform the whole time. Hindi movies are so long though so I have not finished watching the movie. I am glad that Akshay Khanna does not waste his manliness only on typical bollywood romance movies. I believe I know what’s the movie going to be like, but maybe it will be better than I expected.

I have not had days like this for a while. I am properly tired and I am actually feeling some peace.

I miss him a great deal but I guess I can feel both at the same time.

While my heart may suffer because I might be immensely in love with a man who mysteriously disappeared, at the same time, the rest of my world should not follow and fall apart with it. I might have cried while I was driving to BJJ class today, or cried at any Kodaline song that reminds me of him, but I still got the job done – to enjoy myself in class and be (somewhat)productive.

If I can feel 80% of happiness, I’ll take what I can rather than none.

I am left with a purple unicorn that I occasionaly spray with the perfume he gave me which I hug to sleep every night now, something he bought me because of my love for unicorns and perhaps because of my failed attempts at getting the unicorn dingy I wanted.

How I wish it was him instead.


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