Curse of insomnia

2.5 hours, I still have no urge to sleep. My eyes bawling. I watched an episode of Travellers on Netflix. Rolling on the bed with this colicky pain. How I still have you sticking on my mind, is a mystery.

My friend was telling me, “you go out with this guy once, he will tell you ‘I love you’ after one date.” I laughed at her, “then let’s find out shall we?”

“Sweetheart he didn’t tell me ‘I love you’ but you’re right, the drama has begun, he told me he had a dreamt about me last night!”

You had a dream about us in a log cabin in Eagle Brae. My head on your stomach, you playing chess. There were marshmallows and hot chocolate because you like hot chocolate.

What I started as a case of curiosity and self entertainment now has left me sleepless, not wanting anyone else. You said you wanted me to crave you, now look at me.

That first impromptu date, crossing borders, my first whisky sour.

“Sweetheart, I am out with him. This is his room number and his hotel and his full name just in case he is a psychopath and he murdered me. We are listening to this guy with a great soprano now at the bar of this hotel.”

“He turned out to be wonderful. We connected a lot. We talked and talked and talked and went to his room and talked some more. I knew he wanted to kiss me but we didn’t, I pretended to not get the signal. I really enjoyed myself. I was offended though, he got me a perfume, and I felt like it was a breach of my personality and I told him. He said most people would be grateful but I am a weirdo. He asked me weird questions and it’s like he peeked into my soul. Feels like I am in Tuesdays With Morrie. Regardless, I loved my time with him. Oh no, this is such a good distraction!”

To which she responded “he is a gentleman after all. Maybe we judged him prematurely.”

Maybe we did.

You are though, the only person to tell me “you bullshit a lot don’t you? You’re very good at bullshitting.” on a first date. Or any dates.

The sun will be up pretty soon. This is my salvation. When the rest of the world is also awake, all my fears and my sadness will seem smaller.



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