Insomnia thoughts

I am up again in the middle of the night. Right now with a feeling I don’t like – paranoia.

Am I just one of the women you seduce just because you can? Are you saying the same things to some other woman right now, while I stay in this phase unable to remove you from the depth of my heart? Do you miss me, do you think about me?

I can’t see how I will feel contented in the future living with the knowledge I have now. At the same time I am afraid if it’s just all a lie. Does it matter now?

This pain matters. My feelings matters. It’s funny how prior to knowing you, things were just fine, and now that I have met and lost you, there is this prominent hole in my life that I constantly have to tiptoe around just so I won’t fall. I may think I am doing amazing during day time but when the night falls, all thoughts of you come creeping back up.

What we had felt so real though. More than not, I could feel your feelings for me were genuine. Not in your eyes, not in your words but in your energy. How your energy calms me down and how it also lights me up like fireworks.

Are you thinking about me R? Do you still feel the same way? Why did you disappear?

I am starting to get disgusted at myself because I can’t stop thinking about you and I can’t stop wanting you.


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