Some time last week, I heard you’re down South and I learned that since that day you went missing, you have not entered your base office. Wow, people do talk. What am I supposed to do with that information? I am glad you’re alive but it also blows my mind and whatever the fuck that’s going on, the truth for me lies right here. You left, in spite of all you said, you left me, you’re not here now and in spite of this I still love you. So, so be it. I will live my life to the fullest and I will live it with this emotions as long as it’s there because I figured, I can’t fight it. I never thought I could love like this but life has its own ways to surprise you. I am glad that I am able to gather myself and my dignity(or whatever that’s left of it) and just carry on.
Of course there are days that are harder than the other, like last week. I went to the mall where we met the second time. It made me a little nervous because I was afraid of memories of you and I. I could picture vividly you standing there waiting for me as I walked pass Swarovski and then of you looking at me from the station when I left and of you just randomly appearing at another store because I left something. And the cinema. Even the spine exhibition.
I signed up for salsa lessons. Hence the mall.
It’s a lot of effort to be there, but I believe it’s worth it.
Maybe I will be able to salsa my way into happiness. Haha, lame joke. I know.
Recently I’ve been getting mind pops of random exotic places. Some(most) I didn’t know of. Especially when I wake up and the first thing in the morning? Dubrovnik, Serengeti, Salalah, and even weirder Kiribati. I don’t know why this is happening, not mind pops, but exotic places and random African words like ‘biltong’ but it’s interesting to find out more about the semantic memories.
Here is some random pictures of jalapeño poppers I made for dinner. I ate all of them. Together with Garret’s popcorn for dinner.
There’s just something wildly satisfying when I look at them. My stomach is still in flames.
I do wonder if, what if I get into a dangerous situation, will you still be there to save me? As you put it before, “You will be safe if you are always with me.”. I did feel safe. I knew you could take care of me.